Police: Utica teen punches 63 year old bicyclist... →
The other day my girlfriend pointed out a grey hair growing on my head. So I screamed at her like a pterodactyl then said, “That’s why I’ll give you mouth aids and not give a shit, you closet Femdomist”. She had no clue the grey hair would make me shout and cuss and later completely make up a story to her sister about how she doesn’t think her sis is pretty enough to...
Utica Parolee pours boiling water onto person,... →
What has the most WOW in this headline? Is it the whole - “I’m so pissed and crazy!!! Raaaghhh! I’m gonna throw boiling water on you!!!” - or is it the whole - “I’m so pissed and crazy!!! Raaaghhh! I’m gonna throw boiling water on you!!! SPLASH!!! BURN!!! HISS!!! I’m still pissed and crazy!!!! Raaaghhh!!! I gonna boil another gawd damn pot a water,...
Utica man pulls another man out of car, chokes him... →
In my home town there is a rash of locals going just plum berzerk and choking the shit out of one another. The crime: CRIMINAL OBSTRUCTION OF BREATHING. I’m kinda intrigued by all these chokers. Its a berserker crime of passion.
Utica teen arrested after allegedly menacing with... →
My home town is the best home town. I am from Utica. I am confident enough to admit it. I have a google alert for Utica Crime Stories. I receive about 26 alerts a day. Our local newspaper is about as intrepid as a Dodge Intrepid. Here is one of their recent articles …